what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it hurts more in the daytime
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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