Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
