If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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