Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize