i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
