the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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