mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
