saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
