He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
