Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so fucking centered right now
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
