Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
