You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
