you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's great music for shaving your balls
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
