You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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