Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
