Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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