Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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