Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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