I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
