but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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