dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
