We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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