This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
