And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
