I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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