I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
