Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
