dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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