do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
