Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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