Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
