Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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