i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
