it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
