I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
