am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
