I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
