we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My day in three words: secret purse cake
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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