Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
