Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
