I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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