saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
