I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
