Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
