She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize