how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
