As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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