I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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