i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize