i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
