Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
