I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
