A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
