He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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