Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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