i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
