i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
