false alarm. still invincible.
do herpes really smell.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
