What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
