drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
