Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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