And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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