Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
