Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
