i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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