My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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