Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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