my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
