My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
