I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
