So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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