My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
