I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
