A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize