Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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