please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
