Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize