I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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