The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
