I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
