Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
