When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
