Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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