also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
