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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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