My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
