he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
