the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
