I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The cops high fived after they tackled you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
