I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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