Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize