i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
