The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize