I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
