I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
