If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
