Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
