oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
