There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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